yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
