Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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