Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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