I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
