my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
