this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
