How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
