my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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