Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'