The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.