im drinking this country out of the recession.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god