I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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