FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
