for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
