I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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