You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
