i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
