So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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