how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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