dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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