Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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