Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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