The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
