dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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