You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How's work?
Spinning.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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