Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
