i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
