my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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