Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
