so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize