Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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