Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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