you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there is glitter all over my balls
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