Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
