Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
