hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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