bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
