I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
