I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
