I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
