M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
