census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
