Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
