My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.