How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.