just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
