I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
