i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
