how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
