I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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