I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
