My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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