One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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