I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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