i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize