if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
