I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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