I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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