i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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