dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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