that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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