I want to have your abortion
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
