He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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