the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
