Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
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When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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