So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
