I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
