I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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