my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
