I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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